squirrel shootout

Ok, you cannot make this stuff up!

A year ago I had an internship in Newark, New Jeresy and the church was interesting in so many ways. The parsonage was not well kept for the past six years. I was told the house would be up to pare before I moved in...NOPE. The house was occupied by squirrels and rats. Huge hole under the sink...attic was rodent paradise. So, I decided to purchase a pellet gun...not for the people outside but for what I lived with...rats and squirrels.

Part of the internship cirrculum there are clusters which interns close by meet once a month. So, my church was first and i prepared a presentation called, "Living in Hope." The night before the cluster meeting, I was making the last touches on my work. We were meeting at 10am, however I set my clock for 8pm. (thought i set it for 8am) I woke up at 9:15...I was like ohh man cause it takes me awhile to get dressed. Now, my pajamas i had on were...Spongebob boxers, stained Tommy Hilfiger shirt and a Du-rag. My knees were ashy and I had on crocs. So, I ran up the stairs to my dressing room...come to find out there were 4 squirrels having a gay o'time in my dressing room. I was like, "ohh hell naw." I ran back down the stairs to get my pellet gun that I always kept under my pillow...Sad but I had to keep it there. One time I woke up and a rat was on my bed...ever since then I kept it under my pillow.

I ran back up the stairs with the gun behind by back. The 3 squirrels run out the room but this one squirrel...most of been the leader of the pack just stood there in the corner. i pull out the gun and it launched toward me...so i shot it and it flew back into the wall. Ok, I thought I killed it. Naw, it jumped back up with blood on its chest and launched at me again, so i shot...flew back...I'm thinking, ok it is dead...NAW! So I jump on my desk and this squirrel must of worked for nike. it jumped on the windowsill onto the couch off the couch and launched at me...I shot it in the air. This squirrel was gangsta!

So I decided to run. I run out the back door and not thinking I still had the gun in my hand. I ran inside the church screaming for Ms. Janie...she is the sexton at the church. Now, the church rented out space for a private preschool and Janie would help out the cook. Janie heard me calling her and she said, "I'm done here, Vic." (Short for Vicar) So, I go downstairs to the kitchen...saying...there are squirrels in my dressing room. Now, one of the teachers was Catholic so when she saw the gun she fell on the floor saying "hail mary's' other teachers were putting the kids under tables saying, vic has a gun. I still didn't realize I had the gun in my hand. Until, I yell out...'I'm tired of this shit...then "Pow" I shot the ceiling. I realized i had the gun. I'm trying to calm people down...asking them not to call the cops. Don't wanna go to jail with spongbob boxers on with ashy knee caps.

I'm serious...can't make this stuff up. Janie went back with me to the house while i got dressed. I never stayed at the house after that. There were blood stains on the floor left by the squirrel. All I have to say is, Thank God for pellet guns."

Peace!